I hear a lot about forgiveness. Forgive that person and move on. Forgive this incident and let go. Forgive and forget.


Forgiveness is not about any of that. Because it's not about that person, incident, or story. It's about you. It's about raising from the ashes of death - that depressive yucky feeling that someone wronged me and feelings of despair and quite frankly victimhood - into the space of life - that uplifting fabulous feeling of I am...and I own it - Forgiveness is not about clearing the slate, forgetting about what happened and letting go, or about moving on and letting someone or something off the hook.


Forgiveness is about releasing emotional congestion in our heart and then once done, redefining the role we want for ourselves and our story. And since time is bendable we get to renegotiate our timed stamped stories.


The emotional congestion I'm talking about is that backlog of thoughts and the replaying of the story over and over again until its a murky green blob of mucous. Short and simple. It snot for the soul.


The release is about changing the story. Saying to ourselves that this story-this past- isn't serving me anymore. It's just not working for me. And I get to change it into something that does.


Forgiveness is the Sudafed of our soul, a cleaning out of all the snot that has built up inside of us of whatever happened by whomever at a whatever point in time.


So once we decide to change the story we can redefine the role of the person, the place, the incident, the time, and its relation to us. We don't have to act as if nothing ever happened. We can create a new way of negotiating with it. We are in charge.


The definition of for: Used to indicate the place someone or something is going to or toward; used to indicate the person or thing that something is sent or given to; used to indicate the thing that something is meant to be used with.


The definition of giveness: The act of giving or allowing.


My definition of for-giveness: Giving ourselves space, new negotiating tools, and claiming our boundary to move forward.


So take the time to clear out the mucous and redefine you you want your story to play out.


How? Ground!




Ask: "What physical changes can you make in your physical life to manifest your higher self? Our choices create our patterns and our path." ~ David Whyte, The Heart Aroused



"You Don't Even Know Who You Are" ~Rafiki


"You Don't Even Know Who You Are" ~Rafiki

"You don't even know who you are" is the famous line spoken in The Lion King by Rafiki, the wise very Buddha-like monkey when he brings Simba to the watering hole. Simba looks and then only sees himself but then is asked to look again and sees his father and is asked to remember who he is.


Do you know who you really are?


How do you see yourself clearly?


Enter Vipassana meditation.


"Vipassana (insight meditation) is the ultimate expression of Socrates' dictum, "know thyself." The Buddha discovered that the cause of suffering can actually be erased when we see our true nature. This is a radical insight. It means that our happiness does not depend on manipulating the external world. We only have to see ourselves clearly— a much easier proposition (but in the ultimate sense, knowing oneself with clarity reveals there is no permanent self, as the Buddha taught).


Vipassana meditation is a rational method for purifying the mind of the mental factors that cause distress and pain. This simple technique does not invoke the help of a god, spirit or any other external power, but relies on our own efforts."


We get to do this. We don't need a guru telling us a secret mantra to do it. We don't need special outfits or a special cushion. We don't need to be guided or to have special music. We need to see ourselves so we




We see ourselves clearly. And then we go from 'being by doing' to 'doing by being'. Follow the monkey - Hanuman (more on that next post.). xo, j




Dive Deep


Dive Deep

"Dive deep - you will never find pearls standing on the shore." ~Amrit Gurudev (Founder of Kripalu


I'm asking you to dive deep when you work with me. Not to go through the agonizing exercise of reliving moments in your life and feeling like shit about it. And then having moment after moment of shame and regret. That's not the kind of diving I'm talking about. While it's important to look the past in the eye. I'm not here to share in your wallowing. We don't have years to do this work we have months.


I'm asking you to let go of what you regret. Let go of what you think you should have done by now. Let go of where you could be now if only...


I'm asking you to dive deep to find your truth. I'm actually not asking. I'm diving with you and sharing the dive gear. So we're both going down into the depths. I've been there. So we'll go together.


These moments you hang onto, these regrets, these shoulda coulda woulda, are only clues to where the truth lies. Nothing more. Nothing less.


For in those moments our ego takes over and we let it. We suppress your truth. We all do it. There isn't a person who has walked this earth who hasn't. Seriously. No one! Not a one.


Jesus. No. Buddha. No. Abraham. No. Mohammed. No. Any guru who has or is walking this earth. No. You. No. Me. Oh hell no.


Take a look at Gurudev. He started Kripalu. Brought yoga to the masses. Learned under Bapuji. Was his spiritual son. And yet. Fell. Ego. Loss. Sex scandal. Had to leave all he created behind and start over at 67.


In the book, The Story of Yogi Amrit Desai, it states "The higher and more respected he became, the less he could reveal his own imperfections. Then they were there for all to see. The only way to live in harmony with reality was to accept himself totally. He chose to admit to the truth and accept the consequences, but he also consciously withdrew from shame."


Boom there it is...there it is. He consciously withdrew from shame.


"The greater wisdom in this lesson is that we deplete our life energy by feeling bad about what happened in the past. Transformation only begins when we start from where we are. What use is it to funnel all our energy into the past and feel bad about it now? Mistakes are not for wallowing in self-induced suffering. They show up so we can learn from them and live differently now."


Dive deep and explore the path that brought you here to show you where your truth lies. 




Could a Life Coach be a Dominatrix?


Could a Life Coach be a Dominatrix?

The other day I got an email from someone who wanted a life coach. He went on and on about how he needed someone to help guide him forward. Perfect. That’s what I do.


And then there was a twist. He wanted to become a “sissy boy.” Not being up on the latest jargon of sexual preferences I looked it up. Ok, I thought, so he wants to be more feminine and wear women’s clothes. Fine by me.


I told him that whatever he truly wanted to be I would be happy to guide him. I told him that my goal is that every person have the boldness to live out their authentic selves. Great!


Here’s my fee and let me send you a contract.


Then I got the email of specifically what he wanted me to do over the phone. I’m not going to put in the details but let’s just say it got pretty graphic pretty quickly. So I wrote back that nothing shocked me and that I would not be telling him to do anything. What I would be doing was holding him accountable and encouraging him to do what was true for him and if that meant…whatever…I’m not here to judge. Living life authentically is the goal. I ended by saying that I wasn’t interested in going back and forth and that if he wanted my type of services he needed to let me know by 7 that evening.


Ok. Goddess! was his response.


And then it hit me. He wasn’t looking for a life coach he was looking for a good old-fashioned dominatrix.


It was about four o’clock in the afternoon so I had some time to think about a response and to think about whether I could actually be a life coaching dominatrix. Don’t laugh! I was seriously considering the options for a split second I imagined what the hour long conversations would be like and the more I thought about it the more I realized it wasn’t part of my paradigm. Actual content of an imaginary conversation aside, my comfort level was not there. Not because of the content but because of the format. Coaching is co-creating; it's not a sado-masochist relationship, literally or figuratively. Coaching is about guiding and opening to the truth and the way I do it is not with a whip and stiletto heals, its with a wand and flip flops.


Could a dominatrix and a life coach coexist? Possibly, but not in me.


I looked up the definitions of both. Merriam-Webster defines a dominatrix as a woman who physically or psychologically dominates her partner in a sadomasochistic encounter; a dominating woman. And defines a life coach as an advisor who helps people make decisions, set and reach goals, or deal with problems.


At around 6:30 pm. He wrote back that after spending the afternoon thinking about what he wanted and what I offered he decided he wanted a dominatrix not a life coach. I told him that he was right on track and good luck!


I had coaching him to where he wanted to go and my life as a life-coaching dominatrix was officially over.


Dharma - Ride The Wave


Dharma - Ride The Wave

Dharma is the universal truth at all times.


It’s the cosmic law and order.


It’s the rituals and rites of passages to truth.


It’s made up of virtues and duties and learnings.


It’s your life’s path-the path to the transformation to the ‘you’ you know you are.


It’s you and higher self/ future self meeting on the crossroads and hanging out and them downloading all the knowledge and wisdom of the ages.


It's riding the wave.


There’s no one word to give it meaning in English. It just is. We have to experience it and when we experience it there are no words other than perhaps to tell a story through the use of metaphors to describe the experience. The thing about metaphors is that it bypasses the conscious and goes straight to the subconscious. The super-conscious meets the subconscious. Future self/higher self meet inner self.


“Nothing is higher than Dharma. The weak overcomes the stronger by Dharma, as over a king. Truly that Dharma is the Truth (Satya); Therefore, when a man speaks the Truth, they say, "He speaks the Dharma"; and if he speaks Dharma, they say, "He speaks the Truth!" For both are one.” (The Upanishads 1.4.xiv)


In explaining the basis for the mindfulness-based stress reduction (MSBR) program Kabat-Zinn describes dharma. He says “…how the Bufddha was not a Buddhist, how the word ‘Buddha’ means one who has awakened, and how mindfulness, often spoken as ‘the heart of Buddhist meditation’ has little or nothing to do with Buddhism per se, and everything to do with wakefulness, compassion, and wisdom. These are the universal qualities of being human, precisely what the word dharma is pointing to. The word has many meanings, but can be understood primarily as signifying both the teachings of the Buddha and the lawfulness of things in relationship to suffering and the nature of the mind.” (Pg. 283, Some Reflections On the Origins of MBSR, Jon Kabat-Zinn)


To me dharma is the intersection of the universal laws and our lives, of future self/higher self and inner self, of super-conscious and subconscious, of action and reaction. And at that intersection, or as I like to call it the crossroads, is where the magic happens. Life begins to flow. I offered my life up to the universal flow. I stopped struggling and swimming against the current and I jumped into the riptide of life and swam with the current and ride the wave.


No Judgment Zone


No Judgment Zone

“…by watching yourself in your daily life with alert interest with the intention to understand rather than to judge, in full acceptance of whatever may emerge, because it is here, you encourage the deep to come to the surface and enrich your life and consciousness with its captive energies. This is the great work of awareness; it removes obstacles and releases energies by understanding the nature of life and mind. Intelligence is the door to freedom and alert attention is the mother of intelligence.” (Nisargadatta Maharaj (1973) Quote on the last page of the MBSR workbook)


And the mother of intelligence is the subconscious, which is very susceptible to suggestion. “By means of suggestion, the force concentrated by acts of attention is carried into manifestation for the modification of external conditions.” (B.O.T.A. Strength Card) She runs on suggestion of thought. And formulating a thought, vision, or desire, requires focused attention. So the old adage, “What you focus your attention on grows” (or something like that)


This is why setting our intention for what we desire not for what we don’t desire is so imperative. The subconscious is not wired to take out the ‘don’t’ or the ‘not’. It only deals in the positive. And what’s more positive than desire-the most potent form of suggestion.


So how do we get there?


Let’s circle back to the quote, ““…by watching yourself in your daily life with alert interest with the intention to understand rather than to judge, in full acceptance of whatever may emerge, because it is here, you encourage the deep to come to the surface and enrich your life and consciousness with its captive energies.”


We get there or here or to the deep core of our truth by having an alert interest in our lives and all without judgment. Enter the no judgment zone-the place where we accept what is.


And how do we get there?


We get there or here or deep inside to the core of our truth with a daily mental practice. We get there with mindfulness meditation. And at first, it’ll be a highly personal experience but then, and this is where it gets exciting, it becomes a universal experience and with this daily practice your subconscious will change and your desires will become positive and you will manifest and your karma will unknot into unlimited possibilities. And at that moment we become all and our purpose becomes larger and we unfold to a deeper and wider wisdom with a broader and more encompassing compassion.


“A human being is a part of the whole, called by us ‘universe’, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest-a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from the prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such attainment is in itself a part of the liberation, and a foundation for inner security.” (Albert Einstein, New York Times, March 29, 1972)





I knew she was my soul-daughter. We have freckles across the bridge of our noses that then in my case go on to sprinkle the rest of my face. She is witty and sarcastic, brave and intense, and highly sensitive to injustice especially in personal dynamics. She knows where she is going and gets there.


I was in Aruba years ago when I met her and I knew. She was open, expressive, and we connected. And then we didn't. It was all drama. All emotions. All raw. This is how you know when you've met them...they rattle you to your core. We went to breakfast and the waiter asked if we were mother and daughter. I knew then.


She and Alex are often reading the same author. In fact, typically there are at the very same part. Although they had never met and grew up on opposite coasts they had the same connections. Two degrees of separation.


Our relationship has not been without challenges to say the least. We’ve felt attacked, betrayed, and at times even disliked. But she is my soul-daughter.


It was my hope that when I divorced we could still be a family of sorts. I guess that's the European in me. I know several people who still share holidays together and at times even vacation together. But that was not to be. It was my hope that I could stay connected with both girls but loyalties being what they are that simply was not possible.


There is a sadness knowing that what I wanted isn't what is. But what I knew then I still know now. I have a soul-daughter and for that I am forever grateful and blessed.


The soul connects in illogical ways to others and yet it speaks the truth.


To Living Large


To Living Large

“Until we learn to experience the outer world completely we cannot hope to transcend it. Therefore the first step to enlightenment is sensuality. Only through passion, can we sense from deep inside rather than through intellectual argument, the spirit that fills all existence.” (Pg. 45 Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom, Rachel Pollack)


Passion, feeling, sensing from deep inside = experiencing leads to knowing. When we have passion we are completely immersed and we jump out of our heads, into our bodies and we are in the moment. We’re totally tuned in, turned on, and grounded. And being grounded is a good thing. Getting out of our heads and into our bodies is a good thing. Because at that moment we are in the moment and we let the mind/our ego take a rest and that’s a good thing.


Some of those moments are amazing and some of those moments are moments that we may not want to relive. I’ve had moments that while at the time were ah-mazing…may not be moments that conform to the notion of good behavior. But there they are, moments that in looking back, I can clearly see are moments that made me who I am today and brought me here.  They were the exact moments that woke me up out of my anesthetized slumber and into a living breathing life. Like electricity it was a surge that shocked the system and once shocked I could ground and create change that needed changing. And if I didn’t then change was forced on me. Change happens whether we are ready or not.


There are a lot of us running around feeling guilty about the things we’ve done, the things delayed on, the time wasted, the things we didn’t’ do, and if we were standing on stage and were exposed about it would be ashamed maybe even mortified. I’m saying right here and right now.




Everything you’ve ever done in your life brought you here. Yes. They have brought you to this exact moment. I’m reading the series The Immortal Nicholas Flamel upon the recommendation of my son who read the series a few years ago. I’m on Book III, The Sorceress, and in one part she says, “We are nothing more than the sum of our memories and experiences.” (Pg. 53, The Sorceress, Michael Scott)


And so, if we are the sum of our memories and experiences, we can change them by changing the stories we tell ourselves. If you want to live large, it's time to do some time bending. Those events that make us cringe are the exact events that make us grow. And those events that keep us stuck are keeping us stuck because we choose to remember them a certain way to create a certain feeling and keep a certain way of living and feeling. They keep us small but comfortable in our smallness. They are all life lessons and worthy of just as much respect as the wonderful events in our life. Time Bending 101


The only way to “knowing” or as some say, enlightenment, is through living life and living it fully. It’s not through lofty theoretical discussions, intense meditation retreats, or through reading about someone else’s life and then following that life. It has to be lived. And then reflected on, not the other way around. And that takes practice. The practice is creating moments every day that bring us to the present moment, where there is no before or after only now.


To living large and loving it!


Buddha Mama


Buddha Mama

A year ago I was introduced to Roshi Joan Halifax when I went to Upaya in Santa Fe New Mexico. It was a life-changing experience. In fact, it was the life-changing experience for me.


You may have heard this story before but here it is again. I went as a guest and board member of One-to-One Women Coaching Women, a nonprofit of which I am very, very fond. It was a four-day workshop with Lynne Twist, author of the Soul of Money, which included a Dharma talks with Roshi Joan where she talked about how Upaya came to be. What got me all choked up was when she recounted how she had spent time at Joshua Tree in California on what I would call a vision quest and had given most of everything she had away.


A while later after her trip she was invited to dinner at Le Bernadin in NYC with Laurence Rockefeller who was urging her to take the reins of Upaya. And while she searched for an answer the words, “ I want for nothing, but I am open to everything” came up for her.


When she said that phrase I got so chocked up that I had to leave the talk. I was in the back hallway balling my eyes out silently…which is super hard to do when you are sobbing uncontrollably. I closed my eyes and I could here Joan talking and then Lynne thanking her. My eyes were still closed when I felt arms around me. I opened my eyes and she and another Zen master were standing with me. They looked at me and she said, “You just broke through.” (Or something very similar to that).


It was true. I had just broken through. Those words became my mantra and to this day I use that them in meditation. I breathe out “I want for nothing,” and breathe in, “I am open to everything.”


What was really weird, coincidental-not so much, as I believe that there are no coincidences and that our lives are a series of synchronistic events that once we open up to the flow of life we can see how these events string together to bring us into our God-given purpose.


Anyway, what was really “weird” was that when I came there I was given a cot in a room with three cots and I shared the room with a most fabulous woman. The room was Spartan to say the least and for anyone who knew me…knows me…she knows that I love my down comforter, 500 plus count sheets and any other luxury a boudoir can afford me. I love my bedroom and all its luxuries and I’m not ashamed to shout it from the rooftops. So imagine my surprise when I was shown to my shared room and was given a towel and washcloth that was quite frankly the most threadbare items I had seen, useful, yes, soft and plush, no. In addition, there was a rule of not flushing unless it was brown. Yuck. I thought this is taking environmentalism way too far, but in an arid environment where water is at a premium…maybe not so much. Things were shifting. Then once I had actually gotten used to the Spartan surroundings and my Ikea baby cot with austerity written all over it, another shift.


Right after that life-changing event I went back to my cot and my things were gone. I was told that I would be staying in Roshi’s house. I went up to her house and it was like entering into a temple, or a womb, or your childhood home. All these feelings came through but the one thing I knew was that I was home. I never spoke with her. She came and went and as I was off the kitchen I could here the bustling in the morning of making tea. Every night I slept to the sound of an owl hooting out of my balcomy doors and I dreamt. I dreamt she and I were sitting in the garden and she was instructing me on wisdom and compassion.






I’ll never know for sure in my logical mind. In my subconscious mind I know that it was real and I am forever changed.


I bought two of her books and asked the office if she would sign one for me and one for my mother. The next day on the alter by the front door were my books. Mine was inscribed,

To Juliette


Joan Halifax



Her book, The Fruitful Darkness, is a journey through Buddhist practice and Tribal wisdom. It’s her story and a universal story. It’s the story of how to be a Buddha Mama (this phrase, I’ll explain in a minute.)


She talks about the process of initiation and describes the Dutch cultural historian Arnold Von Gennep’s three phases of the journey of initiation as separation, transition, incorporation: the Severence, the Threshold, and the Return. “The first phase, the Severence, is a time of preparation for the ordeals and tests faced in a rite of initiation. The neophyte abandons or is severed from the familiar and begins to move into seclusion. The second phase, the Threshold, has been called, “the fallow chaos.” It is a time when the limits of the self are recognized and a territory is entered where the boundaries of the self are tested and broken. Incorporation means the return to society, but in a new way, with a new body and a new life.” (pp 15, 16, The Fruitful Darkness, Joan Halifax)


To me these three phases underscore the work of a shamanista, my work.


The three terms, separation/ the Severance, transition/ the Threshold, and incorporation/ the Return follow the three terms conscious, subconscious and superconscious. Conscious, subconscious, and superconscious are defined in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as:


Conscious:  perceiving, apprehending, or noticing with a degree of controlled thought or observation or; sharing another's knowledge or awareness of an inward state or outward fact.


Subconscious: existing in the mind but not immediately available to consciousness.


Superconscious: transcending human consciousness or;

of, relating to, or possessing the highest consciousness or a margin of consciousness above that within the ordinary range of attention.


In our conscious minds and world we live in we let ego take control. We actually think we can create a plan and be the driver of that plan. And then something happens.


Life gives us a run for our money.


Change happens and it we can’t control it. This is when we know we are about to shift. So we turn inward. And because we don’t live in a tribal environment of initiation rites we do it alone. And we are afraid.




Because we know we have to go through it alone and we know we have to go through it regardless.


As the old saying goes, “The only way out is through.” But fear is a guidepost to change and If we’re lucky enough to have a guide, a shamanista - if you will, we can clearly see that this time is the moment when we explore the landscape of the subconscious. The subconscious has a direct link to the superconscious-the All-That-Is. And breaking free from the conscious mind-ego mind, is the only way through.


The superconscious mind transcends all time and space. Time and space, as Einstein calculated in his Theory of Relativity, are able to bend. So when we are bending time and space we are in the flow of superconsciousness or the superconscious mind.


When you are moving into severance you are in a state of consciousness and desire. You think you are in control and it's not working because in consciousness ego state you block the flow from super consciousness to subconscious beds. So something rocks your world, or you get a knowing and that knowing is telling you that there is more; that there is another way of living.


And when you accept this fact into your life, you have entered into the realm of the Threshold. Just like Alice in Wonderland when she topples down the hole, things are about to get weirder and weirder. What was up was down and what was down was up.


This time is where you learn to give your ego a new job. It’s where you learn to let go and let things and life flow. You surrender. And you step into the answers to the questions you have been afraid to answer:

1.     What do you want your ideal life to look like?

2.     What would you do if you were 10 times bolder?

3.     What would you dare to do if you knew you could not fail?

Back to the Buddha Mama comment. While I was at Upaya I sat by the main alter and stared at two statues one on each end. One statue held a sword and I learned it was Manjushri-Wisdom and the other statue I recognized as Quan Yin-the Goddess of Compassion. They balanced one another.


Today, I walked into a jewelry store to get an appraisal and get my rings cleaned and I was shown some absolutely breathtaking jewelry in the glass case next to Cartier, David Yurman and VCA (all of which are beautiful but for some reason I’m over it-been there done that.) But this, this was spiritual and luxe balled into precious and spontaneous pieces. And what was it? It was Buddha Mama. I was given the brochure about the founder, Nancy Badia, who started the company after deciding it was time to “embrace life in a more creative way while continuing to honor her spirituality.” I opened the page and there it was…Buddhism teaches that in order to reach enlightenment, a person must develop two qualities: wisdom and compassion.”


There are no coincidences, Buddha Mama! 


We Deserve to Live Outside the Limits of Our Potential


We Deserve to Live Outside the Limits of Our Potential

“This wider field of consciousness is our native land. We are not cabin dwellers, born to a life cramped and confined; we are meant to explore, to seek, to push the limits of our potential as human beings. The world of senses is just a base camp: we are meant to be much at home in consciousness as in the world of physical reality.” (Page 10 Foreword, The Bhagavad Gita, introduced and translated by Eknath Easwaran)


I read this opening to the Bhagavad Gita the other day and thought about what this means today.


Right now.


What does it mean to push the limits of our potential?


There is a “wider sense of consciousness” that we can tap into and once we tap into it, we can float on it and let it carry us to where we need to go.


Just because we think something, some event, some situation is true, it may very well not be. The event is colored by our own history. So if we feel inferior at a certain point, we may have the “I’m not Good Enough Bug” which is directly based on a past situation where we proved to ourselves we were not good enough.


We are good enough, strong enough, happy enough, and wealthy enough.


We deserve to live at outside the limits of our potential.


Eknath states, “We are meant to push the limits of our potential as human beings.” What we see, hear, smell, taste, and touch are based on our own definitions of the neuro-impulses we get and they can be shifted.


Let's say that again…they can be shifted. How we see the world and what happens to us in the world can and does shift based on these perceptions. And these perceptions are directly correlated to the stories we tell ourselves.


The film we keep playing in our head at the most opportune moments are based on storylines that are not working for us.


Change the channel.




Take the film and play it over again on a big screen in your mind. Only this time take another film where you are victorious and play that on a little split screen at the bottom left of the big screen.




Switch again.


And now replace the original big screen film with this new version. And voila…we just reprogrammed ourselves to accept a new story.


The limits of our potential sit squarely in our self-made films…and they can be shifted and once shifted we unlock our fullest potential and reach our pinnacle.


We deserve it.







Now I am whole. Now I am without sin. Now I am free. The moment is now, not two seconds ago and not two seconds from now but now. Not then when I wrote those words. Now. It is the space between breaths.


112 techniques of meditation from the ancient text, Vigyan Bhairav Tantra


Devi Asks:


O Shiva, what is your reality?


What is this wonder-filled universe?


What constitutes seed?


Who centers the universal wheel?


What is this life beyond pervading forms?


How may we enter it fully, above space and time, names and descriptions?


Let my doubts be cleared!



Shiva Replies:


1.     Radiant One, this experience may dawn between two breaths. After breath comes in and just before turning up-the beneficence.


2.     As breath turns from down to up, and again as breath curves up to down-through both these turns realize.


3.     Or, whenever in-breath and out-breath fuse, at this instant touch the energy-less, energy-filled center.


4.     Or, when breath is all out and stopped of itself, or all in and stopped-in such universal pause, one’s small self vanishes. This is difficult only for the impure.


Blood Runs in Paris and We are Veiled Delilahs


Blood Runs in Paris and We are Veiled Delilahs

Pain so much pain. Loss so much loss. Fear so much fear. Hatred so much hatred. Love so much love. I honor the lives of all those who fight to keep us free and crazy and watching Keeping Up with The Kardashians. No seriously, I honor all those who stand watch while we act stupid, play games, make mistakes, make love, and live out our dreams.


"Can the city forgive? I hear its sad song"~Florence and the Machine Long and Lost

I was listening to this song after being told that Paris was the target of terror so obscene and so horrendous. I had to stop. Those that were lost to this terrorist act of cowardice were going about their evening, living life in what ever way they chose at that moment. And then. Their world ended in a moment. In one blink of an eye. In one breath. It became the last breath. 


"It's been so long between the words we spoke
Will you be there up on the shore, I hope
You wonder why it is that I came home
I figured out where I belong"


We are in two worlds: one of love and peace and live and let live and the other hate and war and do as we believe or else. We can't come home even when we've figured out where we belong. There is no going back. There is only moving forward. But can we move forward or will we be forever an eye for an eye.


This is a time of portals opening and fear flowing through, portals opening and love flowing through, portals opening and that which we no longer desire or can no longer have flowing through as portals close.


We are in the moment of truth.


There is no light without dark and no dark without light. It is a balance and there is no coming home.


May we live like Delilah without the fear of terror. You may veil me but I will be Delilah still. We are Delilah.

It's a different kind of danger
And the bells are ringing out
And I'm calling for my mother
As I pull the pillars down
It's a different kind of danger
And my feet are spinning around
Never knew I was a dancer
'Till Delilah showed me how


Gratitude 303


Gratitude 303

I went through Gratitude 101 and learned to be grateful for what I have. This was the time when I realized there will always be someone better off than me and that there are many, many people who are worse off than me.


In fact 99% of the worldwide population. As poor as we may think we are here in the States, were are all the 1%. We have electricity, running water, and access to food. Most of us live in overabundance, an over abundance of stuff, both in our heads and material goods.


Then I took Gratitude 202 where I learned to meditate and to live in a more mindful manner. I woke up to the reality that my reality is merely a conglomeration of my perception of things that have happened, are happening, or will happen. I get triggered because something happening now is reminding me of something that already happened and something I think may happen. Let me let you in on a little secret...all of it is untrue. It's only as true as we think it is.


I learned to change the story of the trigger. I went back in time and visualize some other outcome. And because time is bendable (more on that later), it changed how I thought of the event from that point on. What I didn't realize though is that it began changing other events coming up. It's like going back to the main part of the tree and taking another branch which leads us to a whole different part of the tree. Same tree. Different vantage point.


Now I'm getting my Masters in Gratitude, Gratitude 303. I was thrown into the class, yesterday.


The day started like every other day with a morning meditation. Dagen got up and looked a little pale and so I thought maybe she should stay home but she really wanted to make this quarter the quarter where she had no absences. But about a half an hour later she was really red and felt feverish so I kept her home. A couple of hours later she looked and felt good so I thought we would take a drive to meet Alex at the BMW dealership to test drive the new X5. Anyway when we got back to the dealership she went to the bathroom with Alex and fainted.


Oh my God! What??


By the time we got home her nose was bleeding so we went to Urgent Care who told us we needed to go to the ER. After taking Dagen's vitals and drawing blood they set up an IV. Her blood pressure was super low and her blood was super concentrated. Then the EKG machine came out. And that's when I flipped out...on the inside. What if she has what her dad had and was about to die like he died of heart failure? What if her heart was the problem? What if? What if? What if? What if I never saw her graduate from middle school or high school, never mind college.








I am grateful that we are alive that I am here watching my children grow into such amazing people.


But what if?


That is where the gratitude training has to kick into overdrive. Even when faced with what we think is the worst, I am grateful for the experience.


Indulge Body, Mind, and Soul In Luxury


Indulge Body, Mind, and Soul In Luxury

Being at your pinnacle is the reflection of a conscious and awakened approach to life. I’ve found that the best way to do that is by indulging in luxury. Body. Mind. Soul.


We think of luxury we think of excess, opulence, gluttony, and materialism.


That’s not what I’m talking about.


What does luxury mean?


Merriam-Webster defines luxury as:

·      A condition or situation of great comfort, ease, and wealth

·      Something that is expensive and not necessary

·      Something that is helpful or welcome and that is not usually or always available


Ok. So we can take it as capitalism and consumerism and any other ‘ism’ run rampant.


Or we can take a look at the definitions and put on our spiritual, mindful, self-care lens and then take a look again.


Let’s look at these definitions in terms of my 4 LifesPath Cornerstones. The four-pronged practice of Mindfulness (Meditation), Mindset, Movement, and Nutrition.


·      A condition or situation of great comfort, ease, and wealth-This is what we get when we take the time to incorporate a spiritual practice like meditation.


We know deep down inside we are taken care of, that all is well, and that each touchstone will appear at the exact moment needed for the opportune time of revelation.


Patience. Sitting. Waiting. Gaining clarity. Having inner wealth.


Now that’s something no one can take away from us. It can’t be repossessed.


·      Something that is expensive and not necessary-Yeah, creating a daily practice and sticking with it is pretty expensive in terms of value and commitment. And while it may not seem necessary in the day-to-day human doings, we are not human doings…we are human beings.


I’ve found a daily practice to be of the utmost of importance. My life has changed in ways that I cannot even describe.


Well maybe I can. I used to wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat just knowing that my world was always just about to fall apart, even though it really wasn’t. I used to take 300mg of Wellbutrin just to feel normal and not go into a panic attack on the inside while I looked like I was on top of it on the outside. The medicine did help open the door to being ready for self-awareness and observation but my practice allowed me to drop the meds...And live.


·      Something that is helpful or welcome and that is not usually or always available-The practice is totally helpful and welcome but it may not be available because we don’t want to see that the practice works and is right there in front of us.


So we go to another retreat, see another guide, get another book, and waffle because…It can’t be as easy as the four-pronged LifesPath practice: Mindfulness Meditation, Mindset, Movement, and Nutrition.


Can it?


Do You Believe in Magic? Really Do You?


Do You Believe in Magic? Really Do You?

Do You Believe in Magic?


I mean really, do you? Most of us would most likely say no if asked seriously. But I’m one of those folks that would and do say yes. I say yes I believe in magic.


What is magic exactly?


The Merriam-Webster Dictionary, my go to, states that magic is first defined as:


·      The use of means (as charms or spells) believed to have supernatural powers over natural forces

·      Magic rites or incantations

·      An extraordinary power or influence seemingly from a supernatural force


So while I agree with the present most updated version of the definition I want to open the lens a bit wider and change some of the language to take out what I call the “woo-woo factor” which I think shuts us down from the true essence of magic and its beauty.


What happens when we change the words charms and spells to affirmations and daily practices? Sounds normal, right?


And then what about magic rites or incantations? Tat makes me think of a witch at the edge of town whispering ancient words into a cauldron or reading from and old book of spells to create a potion with which to usually harm or charm someone. Now don’t get me wrong I am not negating the power of this kind of magic. Don’t underestimate the power of energy whether it be dark or light, good or bad, negative or positive, high or low.


What I’m saying is that we are already performing magic rites and incantations in our every day lives.


What if we see the incantations as the repeated phrases and thoughts we say about others and ourselves, the thoughts we say to ourselves over and over again about how unworthy we are, how fat, ugly, disgusting, poor, or even how undeserving of love?


What about the curses we say under our breath when someone does or says something we dislike, something that doesn’t fit into our version of what we expect to happen in our lives?


What about the images we conjure up about the terrible things that are going to happen because it can’t possibly go right, quickly and easily?


This is magic. And I believe that with a daily practice we can change our lives, unfold a beautiful future, and be who we know we are meant to be.


Just ask your future self. She’ll tell you. Or go to Disneyworld and see the magic that was conjured up from a dream in someone’s head. Or look at your iPhone or iPad or Android and think about the “incantations” and “rites” that happened before it ever even went on a piece of paper. Life is created in your mind and the actions you take manifest them. It's magic, baby! So take the time each day for your practice. For hints, read my latest find from Huffington Post on my resources page


It’s Your Own Path, So Walk It Your Way. Consciously.


It’s Your Own Path, So Walk It Your Way. Consciously.

What does conscious mean?


I googled the word and what came up was “aware of one’s existence, sensations, thoughts, surroundings, etc.; fully aware of or sensitive to something (often followed by of); having the mental faculties fully active; known to oneself, felt; aware of what one is doing; aware of oneself; and, deliberate, intentional.”


To me it means that and to having thoughts that are controlled as to whether to take them on as an action. And that to me is freedom. I have the word "freedom" tatooed on the back of my neck as a reminder that I am free and that freedom is the most important journey I am on. I think back to my DNA heritage and my mother's ancestors were healers and "witches" and the huntsman for French aristocracy. They were Huguenots and persecuted for their beliefs that men are free. Then you have my father's ancestors who were African brought to the Dominican carrying their trade of healing, shamans, and blacksmiths then came to America and intermarried with Cherokee and Scottish landowners. Quite the mix-and all valuing freedom. I thought about writing conscious but to be free is to be conscious.


Conscious doesn’t mean living in la-la-land of a pseudo-enlightened existence (I’ll get into that bullshit in a minute). It's not easy to be free and conscious but I will say and I think my clients can attest it sure makes life more magical and empowering! First here’s an example I gave one of my dearest clients. If you’re driving down the street and someone does something cray cray. You have a choice. At times I've decided at that moment that it was so very worth it-that it made me feel really good at that moment to flip them off. I decided with all the consciousness I could muster that lower ‘me’ had a right (and of course my permission) to come out and play.


I’ve also decided more times than not that waving and smiling or even doing nothing but observing the situation makes me feel even better and now I do it even more often once I noticed that when I flipped them off I hit every red light and I no longer had my magical parking karma-which is priceless!!! So more and more I don’t let these triggers and distractions come into my bubble. And my bubble is me in my body aware and awake You have to tune out the noise to tune into you.


Now back to the pseudo-enlightened existence. You know what I’m talking about. The person that no matter what you say to them they smile or nod or go into a dialogue about how they float above such mundane issues and go into their higher chakras. I’m calling bullshit on it. I’ve come to realize that living in la-la-fairy-land while here on this third dimensional plane is just not grounded. I was one of those people (for a super short time-but I was one of them) Nothing against it. It’s a lovely place to be but for the most part you’re not in your body. In fact you may not actually be here on earth.


And maybe that’s why a lot of those types have financial challenges and relationship gaps that could use some bridging. I know I needed some grounding. The female side (as signified by my left side) needed grounding. I don’t think it’s any accident that I broke my left ankle twice in three places. My body was screaming, “Pay attention. Stand on Terra Firma.”


So if living in happy zenned-out bliss is not the answer (at least not my answer), what does it mean to consciously live your life?


Integration, baby, integration. Integrate the lower you into the higher you. One is not better than the other. There are times that lower you needs to come out kicking and screaming or at least honor that it can. Accept its capabilities. Honor its ability to bust through rules and muster the fight in the fight-flight-freeze pattern. And then do what I do…give it a big kiss, laugh that when you observe its potential it is the personification of Kali the Destoyer or as my peer coach said the other day, the de-constructor. It is built to disrupt.


Now, what if you can train yourself to bring it forward only when that is the result you want or bring it forward as a marker of a situation that you need to look at and learn from. What if you flipped it?


Once we understand, acknowledge, accept, and embrace both sides of us: dark and light, low and high, destroyer and creator we can understand the deepest core of who we are and we can understand why we want what we want. We can also understand why when the lower part of us is unleashed unconsciously we have been ignoring a lesson and ignoring a pattern that really wants to be smashed.


We can explode the patterns keeping us stagnant, making us want to run, and convincing us that we are victims in an unfair world. Yes, the world is unfair but who said it was supposed to be fair. We all come in naked and vulnerable and with imprints from other lives and we all leave naked and hopefully transparent and having broken out of old karmic patterns.


Enlightened is being awake, being aware of our environment and being in our bodies, not in some OBE (out of body experience) world. We built our own boundaries and we un-or-subconsciously keep them in play through storytelling and reliving the story so we can tell it again.


Wake up and get in your body. It’s your own path you chose to walk so walk it consciously with passion, power, and purpose.


Live a Life You Love: The Luxury of Nourishing Body, Mind, and Soul


Live a Life You Love: The Luxury of Nourishing Body, Mind, and Soul

Peak performance is a reflection of a conscious approach to managing thoughts -the first step to breaking through behavior patterns that keep your focus, passion, purpose, and power a distant illusion.


“The two most effective business tools for twenty-first century executives are meditation and intuition.”

 ~Harvard Business School and INSEAD, Europe’s leading business school


Can you imagine? Even the Harvard Business School gets it.


The most important business tools for executives are meditation and intuition. So you would think that executives are running towards classes in meditation and intuition.


Not really.




I think for most executives and the corporations in which they work meditation and intuition training is in their collective mindset still mired in the “woo woo” factor. Think yoga mats, patchouli oil and that not so pretty washed-out bland apparel and shoe wear.


I’m sure there are old school thoughts that if these two tools were incorporated into the workplace all hell would break loose. Instead of working people would be singing mantras and whole departments would get up and out in a wave of zenning out and feeling vibes. Just think of the disruption that would ensue in the concrete jungle.


Are intuition and meditation gateway drugs to truth and happiness?


And if so, what happens when truth and happiness are introduced to the corporate world?


Well, if you take a look at companies that have introduced these discussions and have incorporated these methods as part of their corporate culture, their bottom line is looking green and their employees are looking pretty happy and content.


Companies like Google, Aetna, Def Jam Records and others have realized that the most important tools are meditation and are integrating the notion of intuition as being it’s partner. When these tools consciously spill over to their business practices, methods and systems it rocks.


Life is life whether it’s personal or business. It’s all one life. Each person lives both sides of that coin. They work and they play and the tools allow us to truly align at the core - work and play become one.


Power. Passion. Purpose.


I created the Tune Out To Tune In Corporate Program as part of my LifesPath system’s philosophy of the 5 cornerstones to nourishment.

  • mindfulness integrating thoughts, words, and actions into alignment
  • meditation, bringing clarity and focus to their work and personal lives
  • mindset, keeping their heads in positive action mode instead of negative reaction mode
  • movement developing a deeper and more intuitive relationship with themselves
  • nutrition providing the best fuel for the human engine


Discover Your Inner Core Part I (Mindfulness)

Once you integrate your thoughts, words, and actions with who you really want to be your story changes and the life you desire opens up to you.


Discover Your Inner Core Part II (Meditation)

When meditation becomes a regular practice, the brain changes. Literally. More cognitive function opens up. The gray matter actually expands. Meditation is the frontrunner in creating positive changes in behavior, focus, and mindset.


Grow Your Personal Power Through a Positive Attitude (Mindset)

How you see yourself affects your performance and impacts your results. Manage stress better and there’s less stress to manage.


Fueling Success with Life-Giving Whole Foods (Nutrition)

What you eat has a direct correlation to how you act. Living, whole, and organic foods provide the high vibration needed to surpass your own limitations.


Taking Care of Your Body, Mind, and Soul (Movement)

When the body and mind are soothed through movement, stress management is no longer a struggle. That’s when dis-ease is managed or staved off and you are able to better sense what your own body needs to thrive.


We all deserve Luxury. Body. Mind. Soul.


Food Vibes


Food Vibes

This is my head and heart...Got vibes?


Food vibes, enjoyment vibes, good vibes, high vibes?


What we eat has a direct correlation on how we act. Living, whole, and organic foods provide the high vibration needed to surpass our own limitations. In thinking through my disdain for the industrial agricultural system I thought, “Wow, it’s not actually about the political, social, and ethical components, it’s about the vibes. I talk a lot about vibes in my book, The Four Tenets of Love. Vibration and the power of that energy is a universal law.


Everything vibrates. Everything is energy. Everything is alive and everything dies and out of death comes life. We're all products of death.


So how does this relate to food?


Well, whatever the vibration is that is contained in the food, along with all the energetic vibrations around the processing of the food, gets taken in by us. It’s that simple. We become that vibration. And we are that vibration. It sticks with us.


It’s actually been proven that food has a certain vibration based on its PH balance.


The higher the PH, the higher the vibration, the higher the vibration the closer it is to love. The lower the PH, the lower the vibration, the closer it is to fear. Love vibrates at the highest vibration and fear vibrates at the lowest. So you want to step out of love eat a steak. But conversely I’m learning that sometimes being at a lower vibration is needed to ground.


Does that mean I eat a steak?


Maybe ‘yes,’ most likely ‘no’ as I don’t want eat the vibration attached to how that got on my plate. But maybe someone else says ‘yes.’


But, I’ll most likely eat something grounded like vegetables that grow in the earth: beets, potatoes, and carrots.


Luxury, body, mind, and soul is a reflection of a conscious approach to living life. And when your on the path to consciousness things shift. And there's no going back.


It's all energy.


And we know that energy can shift but it can't be eliminated. So what actually happens to the energy of that cow, chicken, or apple.


By the way my son told me that apples and other fruits and vegetables feel pain. Ok, so now what do I eat? I think the point here is to eat consciously. Up next this month...Dia De Muertos (Day of the Dead, or as we know it...Halloween).


What the Cow!


What the Cow!

I just finished watching Cowspiracy again and am thoroughly disgusted with the environmental groups like Greenpeace who seriously refuse to act in any way and on any level of policy that diet is important and that the animal industry is the single most largest cause of environmental degradation.


It’s not our cars, too many hot showers, or the plastic bags at the grocery store. While they do have an effect, it’s nothing compared to the animal agriculture industry. Transportation is at 13% and animal agriculture is at 51%. Wow. That’s huge. So let me ask you this, why is no one talking about this?


The California Advocacy Director, Ann Notthoff, of the National Resources Defense Council in the movie is quoted as saying that it’s cow farts.




Not so fast. While it may be the methane gasses that a cow, ahem, farts out, it’s actually the deforestation. And at 130 times more waste than the entire human population combined.


Whoa Nelly!


And here I thought driving an egg-shaped Prius would save the day. I dodged a bullet on that one. I was almost guilt tripped into it. Those who know me know that I am more Mercedes than Prius. Now I can think more about what I feed my family and what we eat rather than what we drive and feeling like we did something valuable all while we stuff our faces with sushi and burgers.


And those burgers…


Well, eating one burger is like taking a shower that lasts two months. No. I’m not eating this cow shit anymore, figuratively and literally - I already knew that processed beef contains at least some if not a lot of cow shit.


So what’s the deal here? Why is it that we can make a behavioral change in our driving habits and our shopping but not in our eating habits? Is it really that we believe that we need the protein? Or is it that we have been indoctrinated since we first went to the doctor and our parents were told that we needed less mother’s milk and more cow’s milk and more protein and less fruits and veggies? And then that this was reinforced through active marketing campaigns infiltrating our schools. What is it about eating meat, fish, eggs, and milk?


Got Milk? You tell me. I feel like I got milked! Did you know that little baby cows are taken away from their mommies after two days and then only the girls are kept at the industrial dairy. The boys are sold to the industrial meat facilities…and not as veal. They are fattened up in horrible conditions and then slaughtered so that you can have your burger. Gross and inhumane when you consider that all this happens so you can get your non organic, non sustainable milk.


I think back to when I went to Upaya last year and asked about why the statue of Quan Yin, who represents compassion was on the same alter as Manjusri, who represents transcendental wisdom.


The response was that they sit in balance.


Compassion without wisdom is foolishness and wisdom without compassion is cruelty. Think about where you stand in terms of your food choices.


Mindfulness, Synchronicity, and the Magic of Life


Mindfulness, Synchronicity, and the Magic of Life

Mindfulness is about being fully awake in our lives. It is about perceiving the exquisite vividness of each moment. We feel more alive. We also gain immediate access to our own powerful inner resources for insight, transformation, and healing. ~Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D.


Four years ago I had a craving, a thirst, a real nagging that I needed to become a a certified mindfulness teacher. The first step in the process required going to an 8-week program offered by the University of Massachusetts Medical School Center for Mindfulness called the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Program. At the time I just couldn’t fathom how on earth I would be able to be away from my family for eight weeks-even if it were in small stretches of time or in one fell swoop. So the thought like all thoughts that aren’t worked and reworked on became a dusty manual in the back drawer of my mind. I totally forgot about it, really, it completely vacated my consciousness. At the same time I had a dream about white sandy beaches and a red lighthouse-all of which I completely ignored. Our dreams do tell us what we need to do either as symbols or sometimes it knows we are just that dense that we need it straightforward. That was me.


And then as you know I split up with Mike and was waffling back and forth about where to live. Was I supposed to stay in Connecticut? Go to San Diego? Move to Florida?


So I did what I do best. I tried out different scenarios in my mind to see if it resonated with me. That required actually telling myself that this was the decision I was making.


And then…I sat still. And I sat still. And sat still some more. Until I thought that I had gone out of my mind. Where was the answer? I did the mirror work and asked my future self where was I supposed to be. She told me that I was in Palm Beach. So that was that. I’m moving to the Palm Beach area. But when I got there the places weren’t quite right and then in meditation I was told to go to Jupiter. I had never been to Jupiter and didn’t go. I went as far as Juno Beach.


When I returned to Connecticut. I looked at real estate and found a house in Jupiter that I had my mom go see and I rented it sight unseen. I got there and yes, this was the place. And then I saw the red lighthouse and the white sandy beaches. Message received. Wait but there's more to receive.


Fast forward from April to 2 weeks ago when I picked up the mail and as usual the Jupiter paper was in there. I sometimes read it but most of the time I toss it. Not really sure why but I do. This time though I couldn’t toss it and every time I walked by it I felt I needed to open it because there was something really important in there. So I fought with myself for a couple of days and then finally gave up and opened the paper. And on the page I opened was an announcement that Jupiter Medical Center had joined with the University of Massachusetts Medical School Center for Mindfulness and was now offering the 8-week class here in Jupiter. I knew it was for me. I went to the orientation and everyone had a somewhat similar story of coincidence and synchronicity of how they came to register for the class. There are only 150 teachers in the world and I am aspiring to be added to that list.


Oh yeah, one more funny synchronicity. Red had to go and get a second physical. This one for his sport, the last one for school-which we did in May. We went back to the same place and I remembered when I stood at the reception desk that in May there had been a flyer about mindfulness and an upcoming course. I had ignored it then but it had stayed tucked away for the moment I was ready. The Universe does give us signs, all the time. It’s up to us to see them and know what they are. We get closer to the clues through meditation and mindfulness. This stuff is life changing, I know. How was I to know that taking a risk and leaving it all behind, stepping into the unknown and going where Spirit (the Universe and Spirit are one and the same) guides me to go would bring me here. It knew.  But I didn't. I was told. And how did this happen? Four years ago a man in Jupiter took the course and just knew it had to come to Jupiter and he funded every effort to get it here and here it is…and so am I. Wow freaky, right?