I went through Gratitude 101 and learned to be grateful for what I have. This was the time when I realized there will always be someone better off than me and that there are many, many people who are worse off than me.
In fact 99% of the worldwide population. As poor as we may think we are here in the States, were are all the 1%. We have electricity, running water, and access to food. Most of us live in overabundance, an over abundance of stuff, both in our heads and material goods.
Then I took Gratitude 202 where I learned to meditate and to live in a more mindful manner. I woke up to the reality that my reality is merely a conglomeration of my perception of things that have happened, are happening, or will happen. I get triggered because something happening now is reminding me of something that already happened and something I think may happen. Let me let you in on a little secret...all of it is untrue. It's only as true as we think it is.
I learned to change the story of the trigger. I went back in time and visualize some other outcome. And because time is bendable (more on that later), it changed how I thought of the event from that point on. What I didn't realize though is that it began changing other events coming up. It's like going back to the main part of the tree and taking another branch which leads us to a whole different part of the tree. Same tree. Different vantage point.
Now I'm getting my Masters in Gratitude, Gratitude 303. I was thrown into the class, yesterday.
The day started like every other day with a morning meditation. Dagen got up and looked a little pale and so I thought maybe she should stay home but she really wanted to make this quarter the quarter where she had no absences. But about a half an hour later she was really red and felt feverish so I kept her home. A couple of hours later she looked and felt good so I thought we would take a drive to meet Alex at the BMW dealership to test drive the new X5. Anyway when we got back to the dealership she went to the bathroom with Alex and fainted.
Oh my God! What??
By the time we got home her nose was bleeding so we went to Urgent Care who told us we needed to go to the ER. After taking Dagen's vitals and drawing blood they set up an IV. Her blood pressure was super low and her blood was super concentrated. Then the EKG machine came out. And that's when I flipped out...on the inside. What if she has what her dad had and was about to die like he died of heart failure? What if her heart was the problem? What if? What if? What if? What if I never saw her graduate from middle school or high school, never mind college.
I am grateful that we are alive that I am here watching my children grow into such amazing people.
But what if?
That is where the gratitude training has to kick into overdrive. Even when faced with what we think is the worst, I am grateful for the experience.